heron61: (Dragons & Magic)
After thinking over some of the advice I got in comments to this post (I especially want to thank [livejournal.com profile] waterfire741, [livejournal.com profile] teriel, & [livejournal.com profile] aekiy for their suggestions, which proved to be dead on).

I simply lay down on my back, focused on the primary memories that I had gotten (an almost indescribable series of images involving literally helping to create the universe from the empty void). Then, I "moved my consciousness out of the way" and called out to it & it showed up quite rapidly.

I find the terminology of multiplicity useful for discussing these experiences. When I have casual contact with the angel and dragon that I have connections to, they feel like and react as separate beings. However, when they come "forward", the experience is a blending of myself and them – two images superimposed upon one another.

My first experience with this with the angel was literally the most impressive spiritual experience I've ever had, to quote my reactions to that incident: "In an instant of overwhelming beauty, everything around me was obviously and perfectly itself in a way that defies words for anyone who has not had such an experience. The effects of this lingered in profound ways for a long time. A few minutes later, I listened to the rain with my eyes closed and could sense it in ways that I have never done before, both frozen in time and each drop moving perfectly."

This was not quite as impressive, but fairly close. I also explored the nature of who and what this being is or perhaps more accurately, who I am when this angel is co-fronting with me. The experience is difficult to describe and wholly unlike those involving my dragon. The dragon is ultimately a physical being who understands bodies and physicality, despite the fact that its is quite different from mine. This being was not at all like that. Physicality is an alien experience and its perceptions are very different. It was easiest to use some of its more precise perceptions with my eyes closed or in the dark. Near the end of this process, when I was getting ready to go to bed, I found myself walking down the hall to the bedroom without turning on the light (and with no other lights on) simply because there was no need and the idea of turning on light didn't occur to me+angel.

Backing up to the beginning of the experience - knowing it to be a creature associated with creation and complexity, when I felt it co-fronting, it occurred to me to take out my Swiss Army knife, detach the 1 GB flash drive attached to it, and examine it. That was a fascinating process – we/it found the physical structure mildly interesting, but it was more interested in the interior details, and in some impossible to describe, or even remember clearly fashion, it could perceive the stored data directly.

I got up and walked around and was fascinated with windows, in large part because glass was something to be both perceived and enjoyed for its own sake and something to be looked through. Especially when looking outside, I had a lower-level version of the odd time sensations, where the world was simultaneously views in a frozen instant and in motion. Clearly, time is a very different thing to this being.

I was surprised by some of the insights I had into its perceptions. It literally disliked touching non-living organic substances like cloth, plastic, or wood. They felt uncomfortable and alien. Living things (specifically the cats) were not uncomfortable to touch, but were definitely strange. However, it could perceive the life-patterns inside them and was interested in that.

In contrast, metal and glass were exceptionally comfortable and comforting substances and it seemed both fascinated with and in love with touching and expending its perceptions into smooth panes of window glass. It also liked machines a great deal, looking with fond amusement at a car, petting the space heater, and intently examining the stereo receiver. All of these were in some way entities to it. At one point, we picked up a water-polished rock, because I was curious to see how it would react to something that hadn't been worked, and had a brief flash of incomprehension, because from it's PoV, everything has been worked, which admittedly makes sense. In any case, stone was comfortable, but not as much as metal or glass.

This was a fascinating and wonderful experience that I'll definitely repeat. I shall also think more about the precise nature of this angelic being and what the two of us can do together. In any case, I'm very interested to hear any ideas about or reactions to this experience or this angelic being that any of you may have.
heron61: (Dragons & Magic)
I've been trying to create some form of regular, repeatable, and stable connection with the angel that I discovered my connection to around four years ago. In talking to [livejournal.com profile] shadowmorphic today, it occurred to me that with Beltaine being tomorrow evening, I should try something then. However, I'm far from certain what to do. I've been trying astral/visualization versions of the LBRP and the Middle Pillar Ritual, followed by an attempt to invoke the angel, but have met with absolutely no success, so I need to try something different. In the past, it has most often appeared when I've interested with other angelkin, when talking with someone else who has some sort of question that it can answer, and (very) occasionally it has simply shown up when I think about it. I'm certain that it's as much a part of me as my dragon, but a far less accessible or well integrated part. I'm definitely feeling certain that the sort of meditation I've been doing isn't going to work, especially not on Beltaine. However, I'm far from certain what will work. I'm eager for suggestions or opinions.
heron61: (Default)
Here's I'm not discussing anyone else's crackpot magical theories (of which there are many), but am instead considering one of my own. I recently looked back at this post where I muse about angelic otherkin, and it made me think of this fascinating (and definitively non-crackpot) post about a possible theory of otherkin.

So, take my earlier theory (specifically, the section labeled, An Alternative View) and apply it to all otherkin. Now, consider both the other post I linked to and the fact that we are clearly on the verge of an era which is going to transform our understanding of humanity, consciousness, and thought. I am both a magician and a transhumanist, and so I cannot believe that the transformations and expansions in human consciousness and the likely development of electronic consciousness won't have a truly vast spiritual impact. If, as I believe, metaphysical phenomena can affect both the past and the future, I can see the time leading up to these transformations becoming rather odd and filled with all manner of portents. Given that one of the results I expect is humanity to fragment into many different sort of posthumanity, it's possible to see otherkin as evidence of an archetypal spiritual reflection this fragmenting echoing back in time.

However, I also realize this theory is fairly nutty, and reminds me more than a little of Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End. So, I consider this theory both as a possibility and as something I might be able to turn into a fun rpg setting, but most definitely not as something that I am at all certain of.
heron61: (Default)
A few days ago, [personal profile] teaotter and I were discussing the angel I am connected to and from there got into a further discussion of the "spiritual magnitude" of various being. One of the interesting things we were discussing is the differences between various sorts of "Large" entities. By our definitions and experiences, gods, the angel I am connected to, and various impressive spirits like the spirit of the Columbia River (which Becca once got in contact with) are all on a vastly more than human scale. The difference is that gods seem to be able to bring themselves (or more accurately IME, an aspect of themselves) down to the human scale, so that it is possible to actually communicate with gods in a relatively comprehensible manner, since they can temporarily take one something at least vaguely resembling human-scale awareness.

This is most definitely not true for the other "large" beings with have interacted with, including "my" angel. One of the most obvious traits they share is a lack of awareness of time. When I first experienced angelic perceptions, in addition to a profound joy, and a sense that everything in the world is so perfectly itself, there was a distinct lack of any sense of time and to an extent distance. This is very much not true for gods I have interacted with or with my dragon. It occurs to me that I should take this awareness into account when working out the details of the angelic initiation ritual I hope to perform. However, I'm far from certain how to go about this and would welcome any suggestions.

I'm also trying to separate out those experiences of this being that are purely my own and not the result of suggestions and influence by others. I am absolutely certain that my experience of angelic perceptions is valid, as is my visionary experiences of shaping objects and beings from the endless primal void, literally making something out of nothing as my job and entire my purpose for existing. In this experience, I was both not alone (and was in fact part of a far larger effort) and I did not seem to have anything like free will.

Considering lack of awareness of time, this activity need to have occurred at anything resembling the beginning of the universe and could perhaps be ongoing or continuous, I don't know and may likely never know given the differences in scale and perceptions.

My other experiences and perceptions were to a greater degree shaped by expectations and while I am certain that the core of these experiences are also valid, they are also overlaid with the expectations and beliefs of myself and others, and the key to understanding any subjective experience is separating actuality from interpretation of actuality.

I'm not at all certain what these experiences mean about the being I am connected to and would most definitely enjoy comments by those who have ideas and especially from those who have had similar experiences.
heron61: (Default)
During my visit, I was cuddling with [livejournal.com profile] amberite (something we do a great deal) and we were talking about angels and about how a friend of hers has memories of being a dragon-like being who did the same sort of void-working as "Maker", the use-name of the angel that is in some way a part of me. So, at that point, I felt quite odd and Maker showed up in the odd mildly mid-continuum multiplicity, which seems to be the way that the two being associated with me, my dragon and my angel express themselves. Once again, this was a profoundly strange experience, made moreso by the fact that this was the first time I'd ever done this around someone who didn't have an angel. Alice looked at me/us with a rather odd mixture of awe and fascination, no one has ever looked at me like that before, of course, she wasn't actually looking at "me" in that way, which is definitely a good thing. Maker is remarkably far from human, but having him blend with me like he does always fills be with the most profound joy that I have ever known. He also answered a question that Alice has. She is a truly brilliant writer as can be clearly seen from her writing journal (post a comment in either journal if you want to see it, since she keeps it friends locked). She conceptualizes her inspiration as coming from her muse, which she sees as external, but not sentient or in any real way someone you can talk to. Alice said that Maker felt a bit like her muse and was confused. Maker answered that the difference was that her muse was "still in service" and so was even less similar to humans. Such is the nature of our pillow talk...
heron61: (Default)
In a response to this post [livejournal.com profile] orien asks: The angel thing that you began briefly discussing during the trollopfop debacle. The topic interests Michael and I.

For those of you who are new here, the three most significant previous post are about seeing an angel, experiencing angelic perceptions, and then being an angel. This is fairly clearly serious woo-woo material. In any case, now that I no longer have any contact with either [livejournal.com profile] trollopfop or the cult of people in PA who were seriously into all of the angelic stuff, I no longer have the spontaneous visions I got when I first started dealing with these issues. However, that does not mean that I do not consider what I experienced to be real or that I do not still have access to the angelic part of my being.

At this point, I lack a clear idea of how to gain greater access to that side of myself, but I can access it to a moderate degree with the appropriate amount of relaxed concentration. What I have in that state is a joyful awareness of the absolute perfection of the entire universe (including the perfections of all of the imperfections) combined with scattered fragments of memories that are clearly as much metaphor as anything else, because they are memories of places and events that my mind cannot fully (or even mostly) comprehend. I am frustrated by my lack of ability to write about this part of myself, but much of my understanding of all of this transcends language, which is an exceedingly off feeling for someone as mentally bound by words and text as I am.

I know that some of what I believed during my interactions with Ana and the people in PA is not correct, and was little more than the sort of mystically-oriented groupthink that many small isolated magical groups fall prey to. However, I remain certain of everything I have written above and everything in the three posts about angels that I referenced earlier. In short, I have some sort of contact with a transcendent being that is well beyond my ability to comprehend and for which the term angel fits better than any other that I can use, in large part because part of my knowings about this angel is that it served both another more powerful entity and intrinsic in that allegiance was serving a sacred cause that defined its entire being. I am fairly certain that free will in any meaningful sense was completely alien to this creature.

I do not know what else to write about this, but I do find it far easier to answer questions about these matters than to simply write about them.

In other news, the router works perfectly on both computers and my beloved [livejournal.com profile] gremliness arrives for a 3.75 day visit in two hours.
heron61: (Dragon)
Having difficulty discussing any of this with anyone who is not in a similar situation, I'm forming yet another filter for discussing angel-related issues that is solely for those of us who are such. The important personal news of the day that I know have a use-name for my own angel (I will be happy when I am more comfortable with saying or writing this). This being goes by Maker, which is most assuredly not a name and not even particularly a title, but simply a useful designation. I believe that it will be a while before I know more than this.

Last night, the always brilliant [livejournal.com profile] megmurry and I discussed the reasons for all this. There seem to be rather a large number of us and there is in many of us, the desire to be of service. There is clearly something to be done. [livejournal.com profile] megmurry believes that we are here for the end of the world. Of course, then two questions arise, what does that mean and what can we do.

Minor coincidences occur all the time, but perhaps the most important ones should be considered carefully. We live in what seems to be the beginning of an age of mortal miracles. Human science and technology are beginning to bear strange fruit indeed. If the end of the world is to come anytime soon, then I cannot believe that it will come in a way that has nothing to do with humanity. If God or Gods was/were to simply call for the end of all, then why would we be here. What point would there be for any but disembodied watchers observing the end? Also, much new is happening with humanity. I cannot believe that the end of the world is the same as the end of the universe. However, if we limit the scope to this world, then many possibilities arise. Perhaps humanity will end itself or even end all life on this world. The first is easily possible in several ways and will only become easier as time goes on, and I can see ways that can destroy all life beyond the possibility of repair being developed in all of our mortal lifetimes. Since any such act is a choice, perhaps were are here to be a part of the choice or at least to experience and to know the results of this choice.

An Alternative View

For a human transhumanist and for an angel that has creation as its greatest passion, there are also other less bleak possibilities. The successful research into what brain states produce profound spiritual experiences will undoubtedly result in drugs or other means of inducing such states far more reliably than the more traditional magical and shamanic drugs. Meanwhile, other researchers have begun to learn how to turn on and off various portions of the brain with magnetic fields and can induce temporary idiot savant talents in some people, and certain avenues of neural research are almost certain to lead to both direct connections between humans and machines and a form of electronic telepathy. Also, the predictions I read about emergent artificial sentience are both hopeful and awe-inspiring

What does all this have to do with us and with any possible end of the world? I think a previous question is what does all this have to do with souls and magic? The people doing almost all of this work are devout materialists. Conscious machines, ways to induce profound spiritual states, and methods of making two minds into one are only interesting curiosities to them. However, what if the spiritual states induced are as real and powerful as the ones we know? What happens if thousands of people are connected together and experiencing such a state at once? I have always believed that conscious machines will have souls capable of as much grace and wisdom as anyone else's. But what would the soul of a being that is unimaginably more intelligent than any human be like? Done well, perhaps we will all become something new and wonderful. If done badly enough, it might possibly destroy the soul of everyone here, I do not know. Perhaps Arthur Clark's brilliant novel Childhood's End is a vision of the future.

Transhumanism is an essential part of my spirituality, but now I see that from some points-of-view The Singularity could be the end of the world and from all it would obviously be a change beyond all imagining. I admit that I could be completely wrong, all of the above is merely a product of mortal mind and not divine knowing. I also do not know what any of us could or should do. None of us are the sorts of people to actually perform any of this research, we are writers, scholars, magicians, and eccentrics not technicians, engineers, or people who are wealthy enough to direct the course of these studies.

In any case, I am very intrigued at what any of the rest of you think about what I have written above and wish to hear your perspectives on all of this. I am very new to all this, please forgive me if any of this sounds foolish or deluded. Maker wishes all of you knowing and being, which I only partly understand.
heron61: (Dragon)
My own view of reality is both highly flexible and nonstandard and even so I'm feeling a bit like fruitloop of late. And yet, I also know in my soul that the following is all true and real. I was talking with the amazing and wonderful [livejournal.com profile] trollopfop and zir angel came forward (the same being who recently gave me a profound religious experience) to talk to me and among other things told me that zie hoped that I would soon remember that I was also such a being. Neither [livejournal.com profile] trollopfop nor I expected this comment. I was exceedingly doubtful and strongly suspected either error or more likely some sort of serious miscommunication. As soon at it was said I began to feel wings upon my back, wings that were profoundly different from the one's that I know from my dragon. However, wings to not an angel make, and I know that suggestion can be a powerful thing indeed.

I talked with [livejournal.com profile] trollopfop some more though and in a few minutes, the first memories hit. Suddenly, I knew that angel was correct and that I was also such a one as it. I vividly remembered being and doing things that are almost beyond my ability to comprehend - shaping objects and beings from the endless primal void, literally making something out of nothing as my job and entire my purpose for existing. That was strange and glorious, but other memories followed that were more terrible and sad. I remember doing things that were in one sense the only thing to be done, and in another terrible and wrong. I know that I will remember more soon, I had to put a stop to it then, because some of the memories were too hard. Even without more memories, I now have a contact and a knowing I did not know before. I wondered about being pagan and having an angel and before I could ask a friend, I received an answer in the form of a vision. I suppose this is why angels have been so prominent in my recent life. I had previously considering summoning one, I never expected this. All is well, all is glorious in fact, but my life continues to become yet stranger. Priest, dragon, angel, and the beloved of two of the most wonderful and amazing people in the entire world. It's difficult to know which one is the most amazing, but my life most odd.

[20 days until I see my new-found love]
heron61: (Dragon)
Last night, I felt impressively unhappy. [livejournal.com profile] imester's game did not go as I wished, I got far too little sleep the night before and was greatly troubled by a number of foolish worries. As I do every evening, I called my new love [livejournal.com profile] trollopfop. Ana and I talked for a while and then zie did something truly amazing. Ana has contact with an angel, in the same way that each of us has contact with a dragon (who shockingly know each other). Ana let me talk to zir angel. Talking to this being was odd and fascinating, then it gave me a gift beyond all price. It allowed me to see the world as it did for a very short amount of time. In an instant of overwhelming beauty, everything around me was obviously and perfectly itself in a way that defies words for anyone who has not had such an experience. The effects of this lingered in profound ways for a long time. A few minutes later, I listened to the rain with my eyes closed and could sense it in ways that I have never done before, both frozen in time and each drop moving perfectly. Within an hour, the more obvious affects faded, but I was filled with the most sublime and overwhelming joy that I have ever felt. I have talked to gods, dragons, and all manner of spirits and have worked powerful magics, but I have never before had such an experience. This joy remained for most of today, much of it is gone now, but some of the joy remains and the memory of this experience will be with me for a lifetime. I seem to keep encountering angels, and I very much hope that I continue to do so.
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